My first vocab word I learned in my economics class:
Opportunity cost (The most desirable alternative given up as the result of a decision).
Fall of 2005:
Summer was slowing crawling away and the leaves were beginning to fall. Every day after school I would get pumped up to go make some big hits at practice. 8th grade was a fun year. Our team might not have been the best, but we all loved the game of football and went all out each and every day.
The summer before freshman year:
It was my fifth summer at Camp Horseshoe. I fell in love with the place the first day I got here. My cabin consisted of nine boys from all over the nation. I only knew a few kids from home that went to The Shoe, but after four weeks, I had made hundreds of new friends. The friends in my cabin were different than the other friends at camp; these eight kids were like brothers to me and we spent two months together for five years straight.
8th grade football game:
My heart began to pound as I walked onto the Evanston Wildkit’s football field. It was extremely rare for an 8th grade team to have the opportunity to play on the high school field, but coach Barfield have the connections and we got to play in the biggest stadium I have ever stepped foot in. The game started and we were receiving. The ball is on the 28 yard line. Its 3rd down and 4 yards to go. A first down was crucial. As our offense was huddled around the quarterback, he said, “I right, 32 read. Ready…..” “Break!,” the lineman yelled with their deep and intimidating voices. The ball was going to me and I had to run straight up the middle and make sure I get that first down. “Down…Set….Go!” the quarterback yelled and within that second I reached for the ball and began to run. There was nowhere to go! I had no choice but to bounce it outside and sprint down the sideline. Before I knew it, I was in the endzone and being congradualted by my fellow teammates. Touchdown.
Essential items needed at Camp Horseshoe:
-Gym shoes
-Socks
-Shorts
-Headbands
-Baseball glove
-Cleats
-Water bottle
-Jerseys
-Tennis racket
-Passion
-Enthusiasm
-Courage
-Sportsmanship
7:45 AM, Tuesday morning before school, 8th grade:
During the section of your 8th grade football game I think it would make your paper stronger if you described the Evanston high school stadium by showing. Maybe add in a sentence or two about the way the grass was when you first stepped onto the field. Or describe, by showing, the nerves you had because of the big time stadium you were playing in. Other than that the paper is very well constructed and creative.
ReplyDeleteI like that you used this technique of collage like we've seen in others, I think that really makes it a strong start. However, try to describe to us action and feeling by showing what your body movements, gestures and posture was so that we can get the full effect. Also, it would be cool for you to show a time when your cabin got really close in the camp story. Give dialogue or one particular instance where you understood how close you were. I really like the part about the definition you learned in your class because I get the sense that you're gonna tie that in somehow at the end.
ReplyDeleteI think the paper is off to a really good start. I like how the two paragraphs of camp and football and starting to mold together a little more becuase at the beginning I was a little confused. I think you should describe your camp in more detail like instead of just saying "I fell in love with the place the first day I got here." you could go into more detail of why you fell in love with the place, was it the atmosphere? what feelings it gave you? how people treated you at first? ect. I also think you could go more in dept about how you felt during the foot ball game, when you got the touch down. Maybe right before you get there you could describe how you were feeling a second away from the enzone (i dont know how to spell that...haha sorry) or something like that. But yeah I really like paper so far!
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